maximine and minerva’s owl

After an extremely exhausting week, my poor body is now slowly recovering and I no longer feel like I just got off from a wild loop-a-loop ride, queazy and ready to empty the entire contents of my stomach in one big swash. The weekend prior to the last was just hell too much and one evening 2 days after I got back home from work I literally fell asleep at the table while eating my dinner yeah, my face plopped right down on a bowl of minestrone .  Last week, the high school where I work had its annual retreat for their senior students and I had to go to Gotemba in Yamanashi Prefecture with them along with 7 more teachers (1 Brit, 1 Kiwi, 1 Jamaican and 4 Japas) + an invited motivational speaker who came on the last day who touched on topics of work ethics, professionalism, perseverance, and many other not unusual ek-eks that this society puts high premium on and belabors its citizenry with.

Although it’s fun to be with those kids, I can no longer keep up with their seemingly bottomless reservoir of energy and “genki-ness”. Or tumatanda na lang na talaga ako. They are all graduating in March next year and the retreat was sort of last bonding moments for them. We did all kinds of crazy and fun stuff: campfire, karaoke, horror-story telling, pseudo-psychology tests, games, and just plain talking, gibbering, rambling, babbling,jabberwock-ing and incessant purgations of adolescent angst. Every single one of the said activities was done while stuffing our faces with junk food and all conceivable forms of Japanese sweets and goodies that exist. That’s probably why I was dizzy all the time after we got home, I ate too much junk food and drank mug after mug of sickly green melon soda and fanta orange.   

There were 60 kids and we divided them into 4 groups so 15:2 [2 teachers - 1 foreign and 1 Japanese  per group]. The school authorities said we could discuss any topic with them so I chose the topic that is closest to my heart and that I’m very obsessed passionate about: DEATH

Yes, death. 

There are many things that are considered “taboo” in this country; and what I mean by taboo is, you don’t discuss them with children; like “sex”. You don’t discuss sex with children because it’s taboo in this society. Pardon my repetitive syntax. I want to be pretentious.

Eventhough they badly need to be provided with sexual education, pre-pubescent and pubescent Japanese do not get it in school; this country, obvious as it is, is superior in terms of many things, basic and complex: infrastructures, social welfare, technology, fashion, etc. but it is on a par with Timbuktoo when it comes to providing their youth proper sexual education. Nothing really concrete is done to prevent the increasing cases of unwanted pregnancies and abortions, sufferers of sexually transmitted diseases, certified perverts and other deviantly behaved younger individuals. But, still, many people from the outside think 85% of Nippon is Zen.

Anyway, going back to death.

In April this year, one of the kids came up to me and said her father had just died and that he was buried two days later. She told me she was very confused because she hadn’t expected that her father would go so soon. She said he was very healthy and all his life had never had any medical problems; but one Friday afternoon he just dropped dead in the train on the way back home from work. He was 40 years old. The train station master had to call her mother at home to inform her about what happened. They didn’t even need to take him to the hospital because he just dropped dead for reason all of them would never ever get to comprehend. She said she felt so angry but didn’t know exactly what the anger was about and at whom she should have directed her anger.   

I became ‘obsessed’ with death when my sister died 7 years ago. Coping was very hard for me and I felt I needed something, something to help me understand it so I could cope better.

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This is an entry I posted 2 years ago about a symposium that I had attended. I’m reposting it because I would like to be reminded again of things that I need to be reminded of.

* Yes I’ve been in the Zen mode lately; after attending a series of his forums and lectures at Sophia University and some other places, my mind seems to be in a state of semi nirvana. He talked mostly about death, life, compassion, existence, ethics, and most things in terms of philosophy of the mind. Very illuminating and I’m glad I signed up even if the fee was a real kill, it was all worth it.

I sometimes bring up the topic of death to my students (high school seniors) but they always manage to avoid it. I’m not sure if it is because they detect instantaneous boredom or it is a collective fear of the subject matter. The concept of death has nothing about morbidity, this I’ve been trying to tell my students but they’re still not convinced. But now I know what to do and thanks to that lecture series.

“If you are aware that death can come any moment, then it is important to bear in mind that it is a part of life, and in remembering death then you become more ethical”

“The best time to prepare for death is not when you’re dying because it may be too late. It is better to do it when you’re happy and peaceful and more introspective”

IMPERMANENCE — the changes that keep life alive; it teaches us to let go of our attachment and perversion. It makes us realize the basis of ethical living and the real meaning of happiness. If there is absence of hatred and malice in your heart then you are a happy person.

COMPASSION — is to see others as we see ourselves in a particular unpleasant situation ie., suffering, helplessness, pain , extreme desperation, etc. Try to look at the person as another you.

- Sogyal Rinpoche

*posted in September 2004

Unless the Divine intervenes, the chance that my flight to Manila come 2nd week of next month will get confirmed is so fat that I’m beginning to develop an abhorrence for the humankind. I’m flying free because of accumulated mileage points and though I have enough to even fly first class I told the airline reservationist that I would be willing to settle for an economy makasakay lang. I even insisted suggested that I’d bring my own stool to sit on and a lubid and they can just tie me to a pole or something at the rear part of their aircraft, but she was way too obstinate and wouldn’t have any of it.

The sucky part is, three quarters of the mileage points are expiring at the end of this year and if I don’t get to fly, or, exchange it for a set of faux pearl necklace, bracelet and earrings, or a portable barbecue grill, or a ukulele, or three months supply of wakame seaweeds hehehehe, it will be porfeited. Sucky, sucky, sucky airlines policy. Mabuti pa ang Northwest walang expiration ang mileage points kahit na masarap batukan ang ilan sa mga istiwardes nila minsan.*  

I want to go to Davao. I’ve been hearing so many good things about the place and I want to see it myself. I’ve never been to Mindanao; Luiji has when he made a documentary photograhy of mangroves in Sulu, but he’s never been to Davao. So I’ve been telling him how some people I know rave about Davao: cleaner air, fresher foods, more disciplined denizens, Mt. Apo, etc. etc. A good place to retire and spend the rayuma twilight years. Cold winter here in Japan is very unkind to aching bones.

*i’m referring to the impolite and arrogant.

iniisip ko kanina habang nakasakay sa tren, bakit kaya hindi makayanan ng gobyerno natin ang mandatory feeding ng libreng tanghalian para sa lahat ng mga mag-aaral sa public elementary schools sa Pilipinas? yun bang parang sistema dito sa Japan na pinapakain ng sapat ang mga bata. hindi naman talagang libre na totally walang babayaran, kundi depende sa family income.

pag may pirmihang trabaho ang magulang ng bata e di i-charge ng naaayon pero di pa rin dapat mahal dahil gastos galing nga dapat sa gobyerno. tapos yung maliit lang ang income ay 50% lang ang babayaran at yung walang income ay libre na. maganda rin kung magbibigay ng tulong ang private sectors, kahit konti lang ba. kasi pag nagkaroon ng ganoong sistema ay makaka-create din ng maraming trabaho para sa mga tao.

mabubuhay ang industriya ng agrikultura at matutulungan ang maliliit na magsasaka dahil kailangan ng magtatanim at mag-aalaga ng mga hayop na para gawing pagkain. magkaka trabaho ang mga kababaihan dahil kakailanganin ng magluluto at maglilinis. sa madaling salita, makakagawa ng mga trabaho para sa mga lokal na mamamayan on a permanent basis.

at pag nangyari ang ganito, mababawasan din ang mga batang nagpapalimos at nagtitinda ng kung anu-anong abubot sa mga kalsada dahil mas pipiliin nila na pumasok sa iskwela dahil may pagkain.

recently, nabasa ko sa news ang tungkol sa bigas na pinaplano ng gobyerno na ipamigay at ipauwi sa mga mahihirap na batang mag-aaral. pinagdebatihan na naman ng mga ‘magagaling’ na politiko natin kung paano ito magagamit sa kasakiman at sa kanya kanyang pollitical advantage ano ang dapat at di dapat na gawin. hayyy nako, ano pa ba ang bago sa kanila ‘no?

sabi nga ni princess amidala, “while you leaders are debating, people are dying.” dapat sa inyo lichunin.

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 marami pa akong naiisip kanina. maraming marami at pakiramdam ko nagkaroon ng trafik ang daloy ng sabaw ng utak ko. dapat siguro sisihin ko si Mr. Frankfurt dahil naisip ko rin na isa siya sa mga dahilan kung bakit kung anu-ano ang naiisipan ko. mga ka-bullshitan ba. paulit-ulit ko pa ring binabasa ang libro nya, halos luray luray na nga at nanlilimahid kaya binalutan ko na ng plastic. hindi ko talaga mabitawan kahit ilang beses ko ng nabasa. kabisado ko na nga halos eh. at iniisip ko rin na gamitin ito sa klase ko para kahit papano eh makatulong para mabawasan ng konti ang nangyayari at mangyayaring ka-bullshitan sa mundo kung maipapaunawa ko ito sa mga batang tinuturuan ko. maikli lang naman - animnaput pitong pahina sa kakapiranggot na size nito. puro ka-bullshit-an ang laman: bakit may bullshit, bakit may nangbu-bullshit, bakit may madaling ma-bullshit, at ano ba talaga ang bullshit at ang kaibahan nito sa kasinungalingan.

9 weird things about me [tag ng dad ni D]

I talk to the trees; I talk to the moon; I believe in angels with wings; my sense of smell is unbelievably highly accurate; I don’t have a cellfone; I cry when I laugh; I’m double jointed and good at balancing; I suck at hawking so I always end up swallowing my phlegm; I see dead people I advocate the Robinhood Principle: kill steal from the evil rich and feed the poor.

 pag uwi ko ng bahay ay di na ko makalakad ng derecho at tuluyan na akong nalugmok sa sofa. napagtripan naman ng asawa kong loko na kunan ako ng litrato at lahat pa ng anggulo dahil pag nagkaroon daw siya ng pagkakataon ay ipapakita niya sa tatay ko para malaman nito ang ginagawa ng magaling nitong anak pag nalalasing at nawawala sa katinuan. hindi naman ako madalas maglasing ang sagot ko. gusto ko lang talaga uminom ng todo ngayong gabi dahil sa wakas ay nagkalakas loob ako na pasukin yung butas sa dingding na bar na lagi kong dinadaanan galing sa trabaho.

matagal na kong may interes na pumasok doon sa bar na yon dahil mukang nakakarelaks talaga at hindi fancy-shmancy pretentious na tulad ng iba. at may jazz at old music pa na pinatutugtog sa mga lumang plaka  (hindi CD). maliit lang yung lugar - mga 5 by 10 metro ang luwang at haba nito at sampung bangkitong upuan lang sa counter. pati mga inumin ay simple, yung tipong pang tunay na lalake. pero buti na lang at may kahlua milk na siyang inoorder nung 2 aleng kasama ko. ako naman puro brandy at tequila ang type ko kaya ayun sa sunod sunod na lagok sumuko rin ang katawan ko. pero nakapagbisekleta pa ako pauwi so ibig sabihin hindi pa talaga ako lasing at habang pauwi ay nagbubuo pa ako sa isip ng mga tanong tungkol kay hemingway para sa essay test na ibibigay ko sa mga estudyante ko kinabukasan.

may katabi akong mama na regular customer dun sa bar, siguro mga late 40s na siya. makikita sa kanyang mga mata at pagsasalita na magalang siyang tao. elegante kumilos at di nanunukat kung tumingin kaya nagtagal akong makipag usap sa kanya. nag kwentukwentuhan kami tungkol sa jazz at mga musika nung panahon  ni Methuselah bago at pagkatapos mag guerra segundo tulad ng musika nila edith piaf, josephine baker, johnny hartman at kung sino sino pang lumang musikero. di ko rin napigilan ang sarili ko at tinanong ko kung ano ang ikinabubuhay nya. repairman daw siya. nag aayos ng mga sirang gamit, kahit anong sirang gamit ay kaya daw niyang ayusin at buuin ulit.

“A mender, a restorer that is what you are,” ang sabi kong dapat na itawag sa kanya kasi mas makahulugan at mas maganda ang tunog kesa sa salitang ‘repairman.’ “you fix and restore broken things and make them useful and important again and that is a very good thing,” bola dagdag ko pa. lisensyado at magaling daw siyang mag repair lalo na ng mga japanese traditional stuff tulad ng lacquerware, kimono, antique furniture and even old japanese swords at kung anu ano pang bagay na hindi ordinaryo na kadalasan ay makikita lang sa mga museo. pero di raw magtatagal ay magiging progresibo na ang kanyang parkinson’s disease at mahihirapan na siyang gamitin pa ang kanyang mga kamay, dagdag pa niya. 

nakakalungkot naman.